The competition here in Wisconsin is pretty tough and they
are definitely giving me a run for my money.
I placed in most of my dances, but did not even come close to first in
my Treble Jig. This is my first feis
going solo, and by that I mean with none of my immediate family. Mom decided to stay home with the rest of the
family since she’s already been gone two weekends in a row. A dance family was kind of enough to let me
carpool with them so that we could split the cost of the trip. The hotel we’re staying at is gorgeous and
has a great view of Milwaukee… I think I could live in the city.
Views from our hotel room
Feis stage the night before
We were up bright and early at 6:00 am and I successfully
put my wig on without assistance….phew.
I wasn’t worried about most of my dances, but I knew I would have to
prepare myself mentally for treble jig.
My parents hid little notes in my bags and I found them throughout the
morning, as I got ready. Words of
encouragement feed my soul, and they admonished me to focus more on chasing God’s
glory and dance simply because it’s an ability that He has given me to bring
joy. So I did just that. I didn’t place. You know when you just have a feeling that
you didn’t do well? I didn’t expect first, but I at least hoped to see my name
on the board. As I walked up to the
board, I simply asked that God’s grace would be efficient enough to get me past
whatever I encountered. I was
disappointed but managed to recover.
May 3
Today Treble Jig was my very first dance, without much time
to mentally prepare, I told myself to focus on turning my feet out, the main
comment I received from the judge yesterday.
I felt pretty good about it, but again I really didn’t think I had
gotten a first, I don’t know, maybe my expectations are just influenced from previous
experience. Instead of waiting to check
my results like I usually do, I went up right after my Traditional Set, again
praying that God would meet me right where I was… I didn’t think I could handle
not placing again. I placed fourth. Still disappointing, but better than the day
before. I looked to see who won first
and found it was the girl who had danced next to me. She was in another one of my competitions and
I had the chance to congratulate her on her win. I found out that she’s pretty much in the
same boat as I am, except that she just moved her Treble Jig up to Prizewinner
a month ago and was not expecting to win it anytime soon. Somehow, in the midst of my disappointment, I
was able to be excited for her.
End of day two
(Am I really that short?)
Starbucks!
I am learning that disappointment is okay. Emotions are a gift from God and it’s not
wrong or sinful to feel things such as anger, fear, resentment, or
disappointment. It’s how we respond to
these emotions that really matters. My
natural inclinations are to harbor bitterness and resentment in my heart,
leading to anger and a fear of being judged.
But I am learning to lean on God’s grace. I’m still not really sure what that means
other than saying a prayer and looking for some way to keep my mind off of
me. I’m learning to rest in the fact
that I am not any one other than me, and I don’t want to be in anyone else’s
place. God knows the desire of my heart,
He knows how much I want PC, how much I want Oireachtas. And as much as I hate waiting, I hate going
up and being disappointed again and again, I can be thankful. He is teaching me that He knows better than I
do, He’s teaching me to trust that the first will come when He wants it to, and
that my worth, my value, my affirmation, should not and does not come from my
performance on the dance floor.
It’s hard. To be
perfectly honest I’m having a hard time staying motivated and not getting angry. But I’m learning that His grace IS sufficient
in each and every moment.
That makes this all worth it.
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