His Own Way

Failing is not something that I do well.  My pride wants to prove I am independent and capable.  My fear wants to avoid vulnerability, weakness, and rejection.

My new job opens me up to a lot of chances for making mistakes.  Working in a fast food restaurant is not easy, especially when one of the goals is to serve food quickly and efficiently.  My third day I was thrown onto a register all by myself.  I had kind of gotten the hang of it, but not really.  I immediately became anxious and I could see my hands shake as I gave the guest their change.  While I can easily ask someone next to me if I have a question I don't like to seem needy or incapable.
Today was my first day working a weekend.  I messed up three orders within my first hour and was really upset, but I couldn't just walk away.  There were more guests to serve.  Thankfully, things improved as the day went on.

When I got in my car I plugged my phone in and let it start playing.  One of the songs that came on was written based on James 1:2-4

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

1 Corinthians 10:13 also came to my mind

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. 

I feel like there has been a big emphasis on faith in my life right now.  I've seen how little I have and how much it is required.  Part of faith is being able to wait patiently for God's timing and that takes patience.  As I listened to that song on my way home I was reminded that God knows everything I need... even if that means being humble enough to admit when I make a mistake and learning to be patient with myself as I learn to work in a new environment.  As long as I try my best, there's nothing wrong with making mistakes and I need to allow myself the freedom and grace to make them.  

One of the great things about this job is that I don't have time to worry over my mistakes.  I can't wallow in self-pity and get angry at myself.  I am forced to control the voices raging in my head and put the customer first.  At first this job simply seemed like a way for me to begin supporting myself and earning money for dance.  As always, God is using it in His own way.